If/then.
- God Emperor Schumacher
- Feb 5, 2018
- 1 min read
If only. If only there could've been another way. If they could've seen it differently, then then it would've been better.
"Ten..."
A step into the field. The dying light of the afternoon cresting the hills into the shallow valleys.
"Nine..."
A silhouetted group in the distance, surrounding a bonfire.
"Eight..."
The crunch of dried grass under my feet with a slight slick feel as the evening brings cooler air.
"Seven..."
Heads start to turn, people start to stand. "No going back now..."
"Six..."
A tightness in my chest becomes noticeable as I breath brokenly.
"Five..."
They are
getting closer now.
"Four..."
My hand tightens around the key chain concealed within.
"Three..."
They're almost on top of me now. I drop to my knees.
"Two..."
"What are you doing here?"
"You wanted this back."
I toss the key chain over
She looks bewildered, and starts to reach for it.
"One..." I whisper.
They look at me, as flames erupt and engulf us all.
If only they thought before they acted.
Then I wouldn't have become the firestorm they feared.
really powerful, but pretty depressing. also really good description and well written.
I love the countdown it really shows suspense. Maybe elaborate the ending to add even more feeling and emotion.
You could've used more detail in you story. It is also a little confusing but its good overall.
This story is haunting and confusing but in a good way, It sent a chill down my spine but I still don't know exactly what is happening. Maybe give a little more context to where they are, what they are doing and why, but the mood and tone are awesome.
It's very dark and ominous, but there's not enough detail involved. It's a twinge confusing as to what's going on at points.